Set proxy's memory limit by TiFlash (#9753) and update tiflash proxy

[CalvinNeo]

What problem does this PR solve?

Issue Number: close #9745 ref #4982

Problem Summary:

What is changed and how it works?

Check List

Tests

• Unit test
• Integration test
• Manual test (add detailed scripts or steps below)
• No code

Side effects

• Performance regression: Consumes more CPU
• Performance regression: Consumes more Memory
• Breaking backward compatibility

Documentation

• Affects user behaviors
• Contains syntax changes
• Contains variable changes
• Contains experimental features
• Changes MySQL compatibility

Release note

Fix an issue that TiFlash may unexpectedly reject raft message when memory usage is not high

[ti-chi-bot]

[APPROVALNOTIFIER] This PR is APPROVED

This pull-request has been approved by: JinheLin, Lloyd-Pottiger

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• OWNERS [JinheLin,Lloyd-Pottiger]

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[ti-chi-bot]

[LGTM Timeline notifier]

Timeline:

• 2025-02-06 05:35:24.2390252 +0000 UTC m=+336395.771437190: ☑️ agreed by Lloyd-Pottiger.
• 2025-02-06 08:49:41.134341879 +0000 UTC m=+348052.666753877: ☑️ agreed by JinheLin.