Limit proxy's memory from TiFlash's side (#408)

[CalvinNeo]

This is an manual cherry-pick of #408

See also #418

What is changed and how it works?

Issue Number: Close tiflash#9745

What's Changed:

Related changes

• PR to update pingcap/docs/pingcap/docs-cn:
• Need to cherry-pick to the release branch

Check List

Tests

• Unit test
• Integration test
• Manual test (add detailed scripts or steps below)
• No code

Side effects

• Performance regression: Consumes more CPU
• Performance regression: Consumes more Memory
• Breaking backward compatibility

Release note

Fix an issue that TiFlash may unexpectedly reject raft message when memory usage is not high

[CalvinNeo]

flaky test tikv#17471

[CalvinNeo]

/retest

[CalvinNeo]

/retest

[JaySon-Huang]

lgtm

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[CalvinNeo]

[APPROVALNOTIFIER] This PR is NOT APPROVED

This pull-request has been approved by: JaySon-Huang

The full list of commands accepted by this bot can be found here.

Needs approval from an approver in each of these files:

• HACKED_OWNERS

Approvers can indicate their approval by writing /approve in a comment Approvers can cancel approval by writing /approve cancel in a comment

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